


This Is A Song For Anyone With A Broken Heart

by Lailalalalein



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck/Josh relationship, F/M, Josh deserves the world, M/M, My First Fanfic, Slow Burn, so does Buck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lailalalalein/pseuds/Lailalalalein
Summary: Buck tries to help Josh to deal with the aftermath of the hostage-situationtitle is from "blue skies" by "noah and the whale", it was the background music in the end of 3x12
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Josh Russo, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo, Maddie Buckley & Josh Russo, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 15
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever so probably i did everything wrong that can be done wrong. so if you notice something, please tell me (i don´t quite get the tags tbh)  
> Also i never shared something i wrote before, so i don´t know if it´s worth reading.  
> A special thanks to @randofando911, who encouraged me to give it a try. But if it´s bad it´s all my fault:)  
> I wrote this at 1am after watching 3x14 and english is not my native language, so there will be mistakes!
> 
> Finally, i do not own any of the Characters, they belong to 9-1-1 (Fox)

“yeah, let´s just say, since that day Evan tries to avoid any form of contact with seagulls.”

“You can´t trust them”, Buck insisted mock-offended, while Chimney and Josh still laughed about the story Maddie just told them “and apperently I also can´t trust my sister after three glasses of wine because she keeps telling embarassing stories, thank you very much.”

“Oh, Evan, don´t be mad, your reputation can´t get worse anyway”, Maddie cooed and Buck really tried to look offended, but seeing his sister so carefree and happy, he couldn’t be mad, so he just rolled his eyes. It was two weeks after the hostage situation and Maddie and Josh were both cleared to work for a week now and everythings seemed fine so far.

However, that didn’t make Buck stop worrying about his sister and friend, so he had decided to invite them all to a poker round, which he lost, obviously. In his defense, he was so busy studying Maddie and Josh to reasure himself that they´re there alive and breathing, that he didn’t really had the capacaty to concentrate on the game. Both of them appeared carefree and relaxed most of the time, but when Josh said, he was fine, as Buck had asked him when he had opened the door he could tell that he lied. It surprised him that he actually worried more about Josh than his sister at this point, but then again he knew that Maddie always had Chimney; and Josh well.. he really didn´t know about that. So if these two were teasing him a little more today than he would normally tolerate? as long as it helps, right. Which didn’t mean that Chimney was allowed to.

So when his pseudo-brother-in-law snickered something about deeper than the ground wasn´t possible, maybe it was time for them to go.

“Hey Chimney, since you created this monster by bringing wine, I hold you accountable for it. It´s bed time, don´t you think?”, Buck asked with an innocent smile.

“Aren´t you a lovely host? I really feel welcome and stuff”, Chimney growled while Maddie called her brother outright a kill-joy, but ultimately they decided it would be best for them to go home and get a good night´s sleep.

After they said their goodbyes, Josh akwardly stood in the hallway and shifted nervously form foot to foot.

“I guess I better go,too, then”, he said, sounding unsure and looking at Buck expectantely. Buck nearly got lost in his pleading eyes, recognizing the unspoken question. “Or you could… you know, you could stay.” Why couldn’t he form a proper sentence? He cleared his throat: “I mean now, that I am no longer in danger of being humiliated, I could use some company” “Okay, then Buck”, Josh accepted the offer happily, “I´ll stay. So that you wont be alone in case a seagull decides to visit you.” “I have the feeling you don’t quite understand the concept of me NOT being humiliated” Buck retorted mildly and tapped Josh´s shoulder “Come on, let´s watch some tv.”

###########

After a good hour of trash-TV Buck decided that they would need more alcohol to endure another docusoap, so he went to the fridge looking for some beer. Josh followed him to the kitchen area and poured himself a glass of mineral water. While doing so, he was mustered by Buck.

“Josh, can I ask you something?” , he blurted out.

“You just did”, stated Josh as he headed back to the living area “but go ahead”

Buck opened his beer bottle and followed slowly, watching him studiously “How are you?”

“I told you, I´m okay. Why do you keep asking?”, Josh asked, as he sat down on the couch again, drinking a sip of his water.

Buck didn’t buy it for a second. Slowly, he walked over to the sofa, placed his beer bottle on the little table and sat down on the opposite end so that he was facing Josh. “Yeah, you keep saying this.”, Buck carefully began. He wanted to help Josh, to prevent him from bottling up his feelings, but at the same time he didn’t want to make him feel pressured. “and, see, you don´t have to tell me, if you don’t want to or if you are not ready, but I´ve got the feeling that you are in pain and I want you to know that I´m here in case you want to talk about it.”

“You know, life goes on. And you would think that’s a good thing, right?” Josh let out a bitter laugh and shook his head, setting his glas on the table “Like, there was this horrible situation, this horrible hour, and it´s over now and you’ve survived it. And I know I should think that way and be positive… I know that. I don’t feel it though. I´m.. There´s just this gigantic mess in my head and I..” Josh was rambling now. As he closed his eyes, there was a single tear rolling down his cheek. “Every time I close my eyes, I´m there again; at the cementary, at the call center, kneeling on the floor with my coworkers. My friends. And then I realise that this wasn’t only a horrible hour but a horrible day. A day that started like every other day and then became the worst day of my life. A day that was followed by a normal one. And then another normal day. And another. It´s like everything went back to normal. But how can get everything normal? Who tells me that this isn´t the beginning of a horrible week, month, year? I don’t feel normal. I … I feel like my life has… has stopped and the world just keeps evolving. It´s like I´m left behind and nobody cares. And I know I´m being silly but this just… I don’t want life to go on when I can´t leave that place”

With Josh looking down and speaking so low it was barely audible, Buck needed a second to piece the mumbled sounds into a sentence. When he finally understood, he felt his heart crumbling even more. There was this nice, generous, wonderful man, who´s always tried his best to help others, to make them feel better, make them laugh. Who´s even now holding his façade, to appear strong, to not let anybody down. This man, who deserves all the love he is giving away, and more. And yet here he was, crouched down on the other end of the couch, trying to hold back the tears, averting any eye contact.

“I´m not okay”, Josh sobbed, as his tears eventually broke through.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck comforts Josh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!  
> Thank you for all the nice reactions and kudos!
> 
> I´m not 100% sure with this chapter, but i had to write it because i haven´t slept at all last night and this story is the only thing that is keeping me awake right now..
> 
> After that i´ll probably sleep (lol, its 1:30 pm here), so Good Night to everyone!

Realizing that he´s been totally frozen, Buck quickly moved to the older man and wrapped his arms around him. He put Josh´s head to his chest and mumbled soothing words while he moved his hands up and down his back “Shhh, Josh, it´s okay, i´m here, i´ve got you. It´s okay”

They stayed like this for a while, maybe half an hour, maybe longer. Buck didn’t mind. His only priority now was to be there for Josh, to offer his friend as much comfort as he could. When Josh finally stopped crying, he waited a moment before pulling back so that he could look at his face that was puffy from crying. The older man shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

“I´m so sorry Buck”, he whisperd ashamed, determinedly trying to look everywhere but at Buck, “I know that you´ve been through worse and yet here I am crying like a baby about my sad, sad life. How pathetic am I? I mean, this is just rid…”

He was cut short by Buck, who actually covered Josh´s mouth with his hand and who looked just as surprised and shocked by it as Josh. “Uhm, sorry?” Feeling a blush creeping up his neck, Buck cleared his throat.

“You needed to stop talking and I didn’t think of any other way. But now …uhm.. you are quiet, uhm, which means I can remove my hand”, he stated slowly, more to himself than to Josh, who still looked up at him with big eyes. “I´m sorry”, Buck chuckled nervously and let his hand sink akwardly, then he looked serious, trying to find eyecontact with the other man.

“But you really can´t do that, discriminating yourself that way, because a) it isn´t true and b) even if it was true, it´s still unhelpful. So stop doing that, Josh. You are an amazing person and you’ve been through something you didn’t deserve. Which is totally unfair and you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling about it. Don´t say you are pathetic, because you are not. Also, whatever i´ve been through, it changes nothing on the fact that what Greg and the others did was horrible, and it was horrible for you and playing it down is definetly senseless.”

Since Josh was still averting his eyes, Buck cupped his cheek with one hand, forcing the older man to look at him. When he did so, Buck´s heart was aching from all the pain he could see in Josh´s eyes. “Don´t make excuses why you have to be okay”, he insisted “You have the right to be feeling down and to cry. Crying doesn´t make you weak, Josh! It makes you brave, because you are trying to heal and ain´t that the scariest thing you can imagine?

Josh cracked a little smile at that. “See? That´s good. When I was in South America working at a bar I had a collegue from Germany, who used to say –i´ll probably mispronounce it- but he used to say ‘Weinen wäscht die Seele’ which means to cry is washing your soul. It totally makes sense – afterwards you´ll feel wrung out but you´ll also feel a little less stinky.”

Now, Josh was actually grinning “Well”, he chuckled, “I definetly feel like i´ve been in the washing machine AND the dryer, so you´re probably right.” He put a hand on Buck´s shoulder and for the first time since his little outburst he looked him in the eyes voluntarily

“Thank You. I needed that”, he said earnestly. “You´re welcome, Josh. Anytime”, Buck whispered, getting lost in these beautiful brown eyes. “Anyway”, Josh looked away and sighed “That was enough of a therapy session for today. I might need another cringy docusoap now.”

After another two hours of – yeah, Buck didn’t really know what exactly they were watching- Josh yawned and looked at his watch “Wow, it´s really late. I need to go home if I want to have any chance to get some sleep tonight.”

“Sleep sounds like a wonderful idea”, Buck agreed, also yawning.

He followed Josh to the door and wraped him in another hug.

Josh sighed “Thank You Buck, for everything. This was the best evening I had in a long time.”

“This was your best evening? Oh man, you are in desperate need of some significant changes regarding your evening plans!”, Buck joked as he released the other man of the hug, then he got serious again: “As I said, any time”

Josh waved him goodbye, which probably would´ve looked stupid, since he was only a metre away, but in this moment, Buck thought it was adorable.

“Good night, Josh” he said.

“Good Night, Buck”, Josh waved again and then he closed the door behind him, leaving Buck thinking about how it really has been a great evening, after all.


	3. I think you are great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few weeks after
> 
> Maybe, Buck means it to well, when he wants to help Maddie and Josh. Fortunately, Eddie is there to give him some unsolicited advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t know where this story goes but i am aiming for a slow slow-burn Jevan relationship. I don´t know, if this is the official shipping name, but i saw it and like it.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, title is from the song by alex the astronaut!
> 
> And Thank you for the kudos and comments, they make my day!

“Buck, you're still with me?“ Eddie asked, waving a hand in front of his best friend, who's been deep in thoughts. Buck startled and shook his head, then nodded.  
"Uh yes, I mean no, sorry, I was thinking."  
Eddie chuckled at that "yeah, I noticed"  
Looking sheepishly, Buck cleared his throat, then asked: "Anyway, you were talking about Chris's science project? You know, I can totally help. I used to love these kind of things."  
"Sure, I'll let Chris know", said Eddie strained "however, I talked about that, like, five minutes ago... where are your thoughts?"  
Before Buck could apologize, Eddie intervened "No problem, you know, I was just backbiting about Chris's teacher. But is everything okay? You often seem lost in thoughts lately."  
Blushing under Eddie's serious glance, Buck opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again. He sighed "Yes, I'm fine. I'm just so worried about Josh and Maddie all the time -and about everyone else who's been there for that matter. I'm really trying to make them feel better, but then it seems like nothing I do really helps, you know? And when you talked about Christopher I thought about how happy he's been at his party and I want that for Maddie, too. So I'm planning on throwing a surprise party. But then, maybe it isn't what she needs at the moment, maybe she just wants a quiet evening. So, under normal circumstances I would ask Josh, since he's her best friend, but right now there aren't normal circumstances and I don't know, he has enough on his plate right now and I don't want to bother him with these thi-"  
His rambling was cut short by Eddie: "Buck! Don't you think you're exaggerating a little here?"  
Startled, Evan looked at his best friend. "wai... what?"  
"I think you are exaggerating, Buck"; Eddie repeated and put a hand on Buck's shoulder as an attempt to ground him for what was coming.  
"You think I should stop caring? They are my friend and... and my sister, of course I care! How can you say that?" Buck asked incredulously.  
So much for grounding, Eddie thought and sighed  
"Buck, I don't tell you to stop caring! But maybe..." He paused "okay, I'll just tell you what I think: you care too much"  
Buck tried to protest but Eddie stopped him before he could say something. "You know, it's good to care. They are important to you. What I want to say is... Chimney cares. A lot. But I don't see him planning city-sightseeing-tours with interactive riddles for them."  
Buck was silence at that. He looked defeated. "You think I just make it worse?“ he asked dejected. Eddie tightened his grip on Bucks shoulder, so that his best friend would look at him. "I think you are a good friend and brother. But this is exactly what they need now - a good friend and brother. So don't make them to your projects. Just be there for them, when they need you. They don't need an animator, you just being you is enough!"  
Buck nodded slowly and pulled Eddie in a hug. "Thank you, Eddie", he whispered.  
His best friend grinned at that: "And Buck? Plan that surprise party, it's what you would've done before the hostage situation anyway, right? Just... ask Josh for help, maybe he can stop you from ordering that bouncy castle."

#########

Josh and Maddie had break at the same time today, so after they had finished their lunch, they were sitting in the break room talking. It still was a bit surreal to be here after everything that had happened, but mainly, Josh managed to suppress these memories. That didn't mean he wasn't processing it though, he did. He had talked about it a lot in therapy and somewhat with his colleagues and friends, including Maddies little brother. As it turned out, Buck really was a great listener and an amazing friend. Even if his last attempts to cheer Maddie and him up, had been ...exhausting. Josh found his efforts, while annoying, very adorable. Maddie on the other side didn't share that much sympathy towards her brother. "He is just a pain in the ass", she moaned now "this morning, he seriously wanted to facetime, so we could do yoga together, because I seemed 'stressed'." Josh grinned at the image that was forming in his head. "Well, it's kinda nice. And you do seem stressed, tbh", he replied breezily.  
"Yes! Because of him! The worst thing is that he won't believe me that I'm fine because he thinks I wouldn't know what's best for me!" Maddie burst, which made Josh chuckle. "So, still immune to your feedback?" he asked but didn't get Maddie's answer, because in this moment Jamal, who was pouring himself a cup of coffee, exclaimed "Josh, is this your cellphone? It's ringing."  
Josh turned around in his seat and got up. "Oh, yes thank you, I must've forgotten it there." Jamal handed him the phone and he answered without looking at the screen.  
"Uhm, Hi Josh, it's Buck" hearing the familiar voice, Josh automatically smiled "Hi, what's up?" he answered, mouthing 'its him' to his best friend. Maddie laughed and stood up "okay, breaks over for me, see ya" Josh waved and turned his attention back to Buck, who was un-typically qiuet. "Everything alright?", he asked.  
"Yeah, sorry. I was wondering if you'd maybe liked to help me plan a party for Maddies birthday"  
This surprised Josh, he hadn't thought about Maddie's birthday yet, since it still was a month away. Besides, he wasn't sure if this was another mission to keep him occupied in order to make him feel better. Josh had nothing in particular against all the things Buck had made them do so far, he really enjoyed spending time with him. Maddie was right though, sometimes, it really was exhausting. But Josh didn't want to complain, it was better than sitting alone in his apartment.  
As if Buck was hearing his thoughts, he added  
"I know, we've still got time till then but a surprise party is harder to plan than you'd think it is. If you don't want to, it's no problem, but Eddie said I should ask for your help, since you are her best friend and stuff." "Buck" Josh interrupted "Yes, I'll help you"  
he heard a breath of relief "That's great. I also wanted to apologize. I realised -okay Eddie told me- that i've been a lot the last few weeks. I didn't want to annoy you, I only wanted to help but I kind of saw you and Maddie as a project and not as friends. I'm really sorry and from now on I'll try to be a better friend and will listen when you say it's too much. But I'd really like to still spend time with you, Josh. You are a good friend to me and I hope you don't just hung out with me because you felt obligated because of Maddie. But if you don't want to, it's okay, it's your decision and-"

"Hey, Buck" Josh stopped his unhappy rambling "You are a very good friend to me, too and I do like spending time with you. Even though we don't need to go mini golfing to do so. It is also nice to only, you now, hang out. But it's okay, you don't have to be sorry, I know you only wanted to help. You are a great friend, Evan." Josh said sincerely and when he heard Buck mumbling "Thank you", it warmed his whole heart. It was nice to have such a sunshiny person in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think:)


End file.
